thisonetime_withkeith | Two Zombies; Video

Two Zombies; Video

[The feed clicks on, and Ellis looks kind of exasperated. He takes off his hat and wipes at his forehead, before settling it back on his head and stares at the camera.]

Alright y'all, I gotta problem.

I got this pig. Her name is Suee, and she has maaajor confidence issues! I don't even know why, 'cuz she is the prettiest pig ya ever did see. I want her to know that and believe it! Because one day she's gonna need lots of confidence. 'Cuz... Well. I guess that kinda leads into my next problem.

Can anybody tell me how to find her a boyfriend? 'Cuz she's gonna have to make some babies one day, and I figure she's gonna need confidence and stuff in order to do that. But I been lookin' everywhere and I just can't find no damn pigs anywhere! So help a guy out, will ya? My pig and I need it real bad.

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Oh! I can do that. Groomin' her could be real fun. I just need a brush and some bows and all that... Hmm. I bet I could get all that from the Pokemart. Yeah! She'll be real happy with some bows, I bet. Make her feel pretty.

Also, uh... Whatcha mean that she can breed with...other species...?

[France giggles.]

Yes! Good accessories are essential to making a fine lady. If you like, I could send you some extras of the gold accessories I recently got my Ninetales for Starter Appreciation Day.

[His cheerful expression falters a little.]

Well, my Umbreon once bred with a Swinub...

Yeah! I'd really appreciate that, dude. And Suee would do! Isn't that right, Suee? [Ellis bends down an makes cooing noises at his pig, telling her what an amazing little piggy she is, and all that jazz.]

And hold on, lemme check that out on the 'dex...

[He looks up those two Pokemon's name, and then after a few moments, he just.

Gets a really shocked look on his face.]

I'll send you a package by my Drifblim, Kai, with the accessories. Where are you currently?

[France can't help but smile fondly at Ellis's behavior with Suee. It's always heart-warming to see people being affectionate to their pokémon.]

[The smile falters and turns into something of an uncomfortable grimace when Ellis figures out what France meant.]

Yeah... I don't really understand how it works. But it does. This isn't the weirdest pairing, though.

[It takes him a moment to really be able to answer the question, because he's still focused on... Things. As in, how in the world can those two things... breed?? That just... doesn't make any sense at all. It's fascinating and disturbing all at the same time. Mostly disturbing, he thinks. But still fascinating. Ugh, he's so conflicted right now and his head is starting to hurt.]

I'm, uh. In New Bark Town.

But seriously how does that work?! That's like breedin' a cat and a dog! I know for a fact that it don't work! 'Cuz this one time me and my buddy Keith decided to try that, y'know, 'cuz we thought it'd be cool to make cat-dog babies, like maybe from that one cartoon called cat-dog. We didn't know what to expect, but we still wanted them to have babies anyway. Lemme tell ya, forcing a cat and a dog together don't work out, just ask Keith. He had claw marks and dog bites over ninety percent of his body! Nobody ever saw a cat and a dog work together like that before, it sure was a sight!

Point is, it just don't work!

Edited 2013-02-26 10:20 (UTC)

[Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh]

But how...

[France is so confused right now. Let's backtrack to something he can comprehend while his brain reboots.]

Why would anyone make a cartoon about a cat-dog? What would it even be about?

[Besides, you know, disregarding the rules of nature.]

You okay...?

[He manages to sound a little worried, though in a way also amused. He isn't sure if he somehow broke him- if he did, he isn't sure how. Because to him, it isn't really weird at all! Just typical days with Keith, honestly.]

Well, s'kinda hard to explain... I ain't sure how it happened, but somehow a dog and a cat were combined together! Uh... think of a wiener dog. You thinkin' about it? Okay, so take a wiener dog, but instead a' havin' a head and a butt, the cat's in place of the butt! Keith and I were tryin' to make something like that!

[France has now reached critical mass for absurdity.]

[Please hold while he detonates.]

Why would you even want something like that?

[France's voice is kind of shrill and probably a mite unpleasant on the ear.]

[Ellis is just going to take a moment to dig in his ear. Damn, son, did you have to be so loud?]

Why wouldn't I? It was kinda cool! But it ain't like it happened, so there's no need to freak out. I don't think it's actually somethin' that's possible! Since they wouldn't... y'know. Do it. Turns out it was nothin' more than a cartoon.

[France is known for many things. Subtlety is not one of them.]

[France rubs a hand across his face.]

But why make such a cartoon -

[He shakes his head, turning his hand in a stop gesture to the camera.]

No, no, don't answer that.

[He puts his face in his hands for a long moment wherein his shoulders rise and fall in a deep, calming breath. When he looks back to Ellis, it seems he's gotten the factory back in business.]

How old were you and... Keith, was it, when you decided to do that?

[Ellis can tell he's a little weirded out, and he can't really understand why, but it does amuse him anyway. But at the question, he actually has to stop and think about it. Huh... so many experiences with Keith, it's kind of hard to actually pinpoint when it really was. He's pretty sure it was a while ago, definitely way before the Zombie apocalypse. Probably before the tractor accident... Maybe sometime before the paintball roller coaster... Yeah, not too long before then.]

I'd say maybe when we were about... Seventeen? My ma had a cat and he had a dog, so that's kinda how we got the idea. Ma wasn't happy at all that we tried to do that, but she forgave us eventually!

[If you want to break France again, you should tell that paintball roller coaster story. As such, he's quickly recovering from the most recent bout of dumbfounded.]

Seventeen...

[He doesn't say aloud "old enough to know better." That would be unnecessarily cruel. He doesn't sound entirely impressed.]

[He deliberately moves on, a slight smile on his lips indicating vague amusement.]

Your mother must be a patient woman.

[Maybe one day France will be told of this story. It's likely that he will hear lots of stories, and each one will break him more than the other. He can't understand why France is so dumbfounded though! What's so bad about cat-dogs?]

I guess so! I dunno. But she is a real nice woman, and she did get over it, like I said!

[Cats and dogs are simply things that France would never want to see combined. Combining Man's Best Friend and the primary ingredient to the crazy cat lady might break the fabric of the universe.]

[France shakes his head, more amused now although still disbelieving.]

From what I understand, most mothers will be forgiving of their children's adventurous natures.

[He might regret this, but -]

I'm guessing that wasn't the most unusual thing you ever did that she found out about.

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Two Zombies; Video

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[Video] I did not see~ ;3