thisonetime_withkeith | Two Zombies; Video

Two Zombies; Video

[The feed clicks on, and Ellis looks kind of exasperated. He takes off his hat and wipes at his forehead, before settling it back on his head and stares at the camera.]

Alright y'all, I gotta problem.

I got this pig. Her name is Suee, and she has maaajor confidence issues! I don't even know why, 'cuz she is the prettiest pig ya ever did see. I want her to know that and believe it! Because one day she's gonna need lots of confidence. 'Cuz... Well. I guess that kinda leads into my next problem.

Can anybody tell me how to find her a boyfriend? 'Cuz she's gonna have to make some babies one day, and I figure she's gonna need confidence and stuff in order to do that. But I been lookin' everywhere and I just can't find no damn pigs anywhere! So help a guy out, will ya? My pig and I need it real bad.

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Don't you think you might be rushing it a little? Maybe she's not ready for a relationship.

Naw, don't be silly! Besides, we been here for like three weeks now, that's a long time! And if pigs're as scarce as they seem, she might miss out on her chance!

I dunno...

Maybe if you tried going to the next town you'll have better luck? Someone has to be breeding tepigs somewhere.

[France's expression is clearly one torn between great amusement due to the way Keith presents this and emphasizing with the situation. He's going to stick with express]

My Milotic, Cecelia is very shy, too. I spent a lot of extra time grooming her and doing one-on-one training between her and wild pokémon. Feeling pretty and confident in her own strength came over time with that.

I haven't tried breeding her yet, but it's not completely necessary to breed a particular pokémon with the exact same species.

If I do, you're comin' with me, right? I can't go alone! That'd be real lonely...

Oh! I can do that. Groomin' her could be real fun. I just need a brush and some bows and all that... Hmm. I bet I could get all that from the Pokemart. Yeah! She'll be real happy with some bows, I bet. Make her feel pretty.

Also, uh... Whatcha mean that she can breed with...other species...?

[France giggles.]

Yes! Good accessories are essential to making a fine lady. If you like, I could send you some extras of the gold accessories I recently got my Ninetales for Starter Appreciation Day.

[His cheerful expression falters a little.]

Well, my Umbreon once bred with a Swinub...

I- You ...want me to come with you?

Yeah! I'd really appreciate that, dude. And Suee would do! Isn't that right, Suee? [Ellis bends down an makes cooing noises at his pig, telling her what an amazing little piggy she is, and all that jazz.]

And hold on, lemme check that out on the 'dex...

[He looks up those two Pokemon's name, and then after a few moments, he just.

Gets a really shocked look on his face.]

O' course I do! We're buds, ain't we? Pals? S'what friends do!

Oh- I- Yeah. I mean. Sure.

[MAKING FRIENDS???]

It wouldn't be fun to go alone, anyway, right?

I'll send you a package by my Drifblim, Kai, with the accessories. Where are you currently?

[France can't help but smile fondly at Ellis's behavior with Suee. It's always heart-warming to see people being affectionate to their pokémon.]

[The smile falters and turns into something of an uncomfortable grimace when Ellis figures out what France meant.]

Yeah... I don't really understand how it works. But it does. This isn't the weirdest pairing, though.

A boyfriend for your pig...

I'm guessing you're a breeder.

Y-You could try catching a Ditto....they can breed with anything....

What Pokemon is she? I believe there are a couple of pig-like Pokemon.

[FRANDS!!!]

Exactly, man! It's gonna be awesome. Goin' places with friends is great. Especially when zombies are involved! But I guess Pokemon is just as good as zombies, right?

This is gonna be a blast, lemme tell ya. Hoo boy, I'm real excited!

[It takes him a moment to really be able to answer the question, because he's still focused on... Things. As in, how in the world can those two things... breed?? That just... doesn't make any sense at all. It's fascinating and disturbing all at the same time. Mostly disturbing, he thinks. But still fascinating. Ugh, he's so conflicted right now and his head is starting to hurt.]

I'm, uh. In New Bark Town.

But seriously how does that work?! That's like breedin' a cat and a dog! I know for a fact that it don't work! 'Cuz this one time me and my buddy Keith decided to try that, y'know, 'cuz we thought it'd be cool to make cat-dog babies, like maybe from that one cartoon called cat-dog. We didn't know what to expect, but we still wanted them to have babies anyway. Lemme tell ya, forcing a cat and a dog together don't work out, just ask Keith. He had claw marks and dog bites over ninety percent of his body! Nobody ever saw a cat and a dog work together like that before, it sure was a sight!

Point is, it just don't work!

Edited 2013-02-26 10:20 (UTC)

I sure am! Not really sure how it happened or why but thats what I was told I am. A breeder. Which means I need to get her a boyfriend so she can start making the babies!

And then Im not sure what to do with em but I guess Ill figure that one out when it happens.

A ditto? Hold on, lemme look it up!

[And he does, and when he finally gets to Ditto's page on the Pokedex, his eyes widen.]

But... it's just a blobby thing! How the heck is that supposed to work?

Oh, there are? Well, she's a Tepig! I haven't found any other like her where I'm at. And I don't wanna breed her with other things that ain't pigs! Because that's just weird and I think she'd probably like a pig for a boyfriend anyway.

Well, I mean, when she gets confidence anyway.

[Okay, that makes him laugh. Ellis sure did like zombies. Norman did too! And its still pretty strange to find someone who shares one of his interests like that.]

Me, too. Um. When do you want to leave?

Mm? I'm good for whenever! I been workin' to earn some money and I think I got enough to last a while, so whenever you're ready is good with me, man.

I know what you mean with it being strange. My flying squirrel bred with my electric zebra once.

[Never again will he speak of that. Okay, flipping through some pages of a book in front of him, muttering "Tepig, Tepig" under his breath.]

Eureka! Okay, it can breed with a Pokemon called Spoink! [Checking the 'dex, now.] Hm, according to the Pokedex, it's not found in the wild anywhere, but Tepig can be found in Mt. Mortar and Cinnabar's Volcano. Still, someone might be breeding Spoink, so if nothing else you can try your luck with getting an egg!

Oh, and I'm being terribly rude! I'm Jake English, it's a pleasure to meet you!

How can you even tell if a pig has issues? It's a fucking pig.

Most of the breeders seem to be in the trade of selling eggs or newly-hatched pokémon. But... finding your pokémon a boyfriend may be a harder challenge. You may benefit from finding a breeder who can help explain how things function.

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