Two Zombies; Video

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[The feed clicks on, and Ellis looks kind of exasperated. He takes off his hat and wipes at his forehead, before settling it back on his head and stares at the camera.]

Alright y'all, I gotta problem.

I got this pig. Her name is Suee, and she has maaajor confidence issues! I don't even know why, 'cuz she is the prettiest pig ya ever did see. I want her to know that and believe it! Because one day she's gonna need lots of confidence. 'Cuz... Well. I guess that kinda leads into my next problem.

Can anybody tell me how to find her a boyfriend? 'Cuz she's gonna have to make some babies one day, and I figure she's gonna need confidence and stuff in order to do that. But I been lookin' everywhere and I just can't find no damn pigs anywhere! So help a guy out, will ya? My pig and I need it real bad.

Comments

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Of fucking course. It was only a matter of time. He couldn't be dumb but sane, that'd be asking too damn much.]

[flatly] You and your friend fought zombies.

[Next to that, pig dating advice sounds rational.]

Maybe she needs some friends her species. Try finding her some other pigs to grunt at and do whatever pigs do with.

Re: [Video]

[red_roses]

O-Oh, it's no problem at all! A-And my name is Ib. It's been very nice talking to you!

[thisonetime_withkeith]

That's what people keep sayin', but man that's just so weird! Like, I was tellin' France about how I tried makin' a cat-dog, y'know like from that one cartoon. But it didn't work! And Keith got all scratches and bit because of it. They just wouldn't do nothin' with each other! So how's that work here!?

[They relaly, really are weird. Even by his standards.]

I'll give her all the praise and stuff she needs, believe it! I love my little piggy. She's the sweetest. But I'm supposed to breed her, ain't I? So I kinda do have to rush, don't I? I don't wanna do this wrong or somethin'. What if I get kicked out of this place for not breedin' like I was told to?

[text]

[pianosongs]

It seems like no matter how long you're here, there's a long list of new things to learn here.

I... wish you the best of luck in finding a boy for your pig. [It's a good thing you can't see his face right now; even his pokerface can't hide his disgust at this breeding conversation.]

[ghostytrainer]

[John shrugs.]

Pokemon are weird like that. They aren't like normal animals, I mean hell they all lay eggs even if they're mammals. Don't worry though, it's not like there's anybody here to enforce the roles we've been given here or anything. My fiancee is a breeder and she collects badges, I'm a trainer and I do a little breeding on the side. And there are people who decide to do none of the above.

It's whatever you want to do, man. There's no rush or worries. If you do end up leaving this place, it won't be because you didn't start breeding your Pokemon fast enough or often enough, trust me.

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[Ellis is quite for a moment as he contemplates John's words.]

Alright, so... I got an important question! If that's true and you can like... breed different shit and stuff, does that mean I can FINALLY make a catdog baby? 'cuz it's like I was tellin' somebody else; this one time me and my buddy Keith tried makin' a cat and a dog mate so that we could have catdog babies like from the cartoon! Only it didn't work, but man those two sure did team up together to scratch him to hell and back. Ain't ever seen a dog and a cat work together like that! Scratches over 99% of his body! Only part left unharmed were his eyes, so he could still see and stuff. Well, his eye, cuz he already lost that once or twice...

[Video] I'm sorry this is late, being a Pokemon is hard

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[There's nothing Gallade can say that will make her any less tense, so the efforts are pretty much in vain.]

"No, it's okay... I appreciate that he's trying to help! I just... I don't know what to say! I can battle just fine, but the idea of meeting other Pokemon is just... scary..."

[ghostytrainer]

[This face, Ellis. Just...this face.]

Err...that was me you were telling that story to. [Like...seriously not even ten minutes ago, bro.] But no, you can't. Typically the baby ends up being the mom's species but there's a slight chance you'll end up with one or two of the dad's. So, unfortunately no...no new species that way.

Though uh...I have to ask. [He shouldn't. He really, really shouldn't but how often does John stop and think about shit like this?] How did your friend manage to lose the same eye twice?

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[Oh. Oops. He got so damn caught up in the idea of actually making a catdog that he forgot he'd already told the story.]

Ah, shit. Sorry man! Just... dude, the idea of makin' it's so exciting that I plum forgot. Anyway, that's so sad! I want a catdog so bad! Why is biology so complicated? Are ya sure? I mean, maybe if ya just... I dunno, tried lots of times, it'd eventually mutate?

... I don't understand your question. Whatcha mean how'd he lose the same eye twice?

[video]

[thisonetime_withkeith]

We sure did!

[If Blake is skeptical, Ellis has no idea.]

Well that's what I'm tryin' to do, it just ain't easy! There ain't no pigs 'round here though, so it's kinda hard to do that.

[ghostytrainer]

[John opens his mouth and starts to respond, only to stop before even managing to get a word out. He holds his mouth open for a few seconds, closes it, thinks for a minute, then opens it again...no wait never mind. He didn't have an answer that time either. Okay, hold on thinking...]

You know I...don't know? I mean, I have never heard of it happening but anything's possible, right? And I guess all these different species had to come from somewhere...

[Follow your dreams, Ellis. Follow your dreams.]

But anyway it's just...you said he lost his eye once or twice before the cat and the dog attacked him. How did he manage to do that? Did he have a glass eye or something?

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[It's okay. Honestly! Take your time. He's used to these kinds of things. Sometimes he just says things so profoundly deep that people just stare and become speechless. He's patient.]

My thoughts exactly! So I'ma try it.

Anyway, you keep makin' it sound like it's this weird thing that he lost his eye twice like that! It's just Keith man, this shit happens! And y'know, they've offered him glass eyes before but he said those were for sissies.

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

That 80s movie revival fad'll be over as soon as people remember it wasn't that great the first time around. What were you and your friend in, one of those budget ones trying to cash in before it goes out of style?

Pigs don't fall out of the sky. There have to be other ones around here somewhere, unless people ate them all.

[ghostytrainer]

Err...right. Okay.

[He's just...gonna go with it. Perhaps multiple eye loss is normal for his world.]

Anyway, good luck to you and your catdog ventures. My name is John Egbert, by the way. Since I never actually did introduce myself.

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[Go with it John. Don't ask questions. You'll never sleep at night trying to figure it out.]

Aw, thank ya, man. And Nice t'meet ya! Mine's Ellis.

[ghostytrainer]

Nice to meet you too! If you have any other questions about breeding or anything, feel free to ask. I'm not a breeder myself, but my fiancee is so I have picked up on a few things.

[He smiles.]

And if there's anything I can't answer, I'm sure she can because she knows basically everything.